April was overwhelming.  There was a lot of loss.  There was a lot of traveling.  I’m whipped out.  I don’t even know what Matthew was up to all month.  This post is pretty much all about me.

At the very beginning of the month my last two remaining grandparents, my dad’s mom and my step-dad’s dad, died within a day of each other.  Both were 90.  Both were with family when they died.  Both led really amazing, full lives.  Both were very sick.  It’s a pretty good way to go, considering all the options.

For me, though, it was a lot all at once.  I was already working on terminating with a few of my long-term clients.  That set the stage for me to feel the loss of my parents’ parents in a different way than I expected.  I wasn’t very close with either of these grandparents, which makes it more complicated.  I have lots of feelings about it, and I’m still working them out.  (In other news, I started with a new therapist this month!  Completely coincidental, but a good thing)

So, when I heard Grandma Rita was about to die, I got on a plane to Texas, even though I’d only been home from New Orleans for two days.  Even though I missed my sister’s birthday and my other sister’s wedding dress shopping.  Even though I had no idea what I was walking into, because I’ve never been with my dad’s family for an event like this.  Even though she died before I arrived.  I’m really glad I went.  I got to spend some time with my dad and aunt Dee.  They reminisced, we ran around taking care of some of the business that comes with death, and Daddy and I talked about a lot of important stuff.

I came home for a couple of weeks after that, and I guess things were pretty normal during that time.  We visited his parents on the Cape.  We snuggled watching TV and walked the dog and went about our days.  I was just really really really tired.  I think my body was telling me to slow down.

I went back to Texas in late April.  My brother, Bear, and I had scheduled this trip when my grandmother first got sick.  We thought we would be visiting her and saying goodbye.  Instead we attended her memorial service, and we spent some time with each other, and with our families: Daddy and his wife and aunt Dee, and also Mum and Bill and my maternal aunt Betsy and cousin Dana and her beautiful baby, Caroline.  We celebrated Bear’s birthday.

While in Texas, I also went on a bit of a pilgrimage to Austin to see a soul sister and her family.  It wasn’t what I expected, but it was good for me.

And then I came home.  I turned right back around for my mum’s 60th Birthday Retreat, but I’ll write a post about that soon (Plus, that was in May).

A whirlwind, right?  I am so ready to settle back into a routine for a while.  It’s time to get caught up on laundry and work and life – I need to get my car fixed where someone hit it and schedule an overdue dentist appointment and make food for some folks I’m overdue on feeding.  I need to take a deep breath and stand still and look up and the blossoming trees for just a moment.